decision day 2016: part two

Hi friends!

Unfortunately, I was not accepted to the University of Georgia. While I was disappointed, I have realized, through some tears, that God has other plans. “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope’” (Jeremiah 29:11). I am not sure what these other plans entail, but I am excited for the future. Even though, I was denied, I am glad that stepped my foot out and tried. Better to have tried and failed than to have not tried and have regrets. It’s been a rocky 24 hours but Jesus has shown me sooo much in those short hours. 

Friday afternoon, traveling back from classes, I began to ponder what the decision would be. I knew that UGA had picked March 18th, to be the final wave of decisions. Most of the time, I plan how I think everything is going to happen. For example, I tried to plan how I would act if I got denied, and I tried to plan how I would act when I got accepted…however, something just kept feeling wrong about both actions. After thinking about it, it became clear that I had put God in a box. I felt like I had said, “well here are the two possible outcomes, which one do you want to pick, God?” Later, though I kept asking Him, when I would put Him in a box, to make the desires of His heart be the desires of my heart. I didn’t and don’t ever want attending UGA to be a selfish desire; it needs to be where He truly wants me. 

Fast forward to late afternoon. Decisions are out; heart rates accelerated. It’s time. I knew whatever the outcome, I would be okay. For some reason I could not stop crying, in my heart I was disappointed but not to the point of sobbing. And then I knew the sobbing was coming from what I thought others would think of me. Also, the tears came because of what I was thinking of myself. “Failure, stupid, lazy” the adjectives that popped in my head. Later on, these lies were attributed to the enemy not to God saying “wait”. 

He hasn’t said “no”, because my passion has stayed the same and with much prayer I believe I am following His path. Though His path will not be easy, it will be the best path to take. So these trials the Lord has sent in the past 24 hours, has shown me a lot. Too much to write about and be able to contribute Him justice. However, I want to leave you with this: I was afraid of what people would think of me, but God has shown me specifically that there is not an action we can partake in, or a word we can mutter for the love of God to stop extending to us. “For I am convinced, that neither death, nor life, nor principalities nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth nor any other thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 8:38-39). I knew this in my head for a long time, but have finally believed it in my heart. Finding the bright sides to “waters [we] wish [we] could walk through” ( ) can be oh-so hard, in this instance though, I have found more pros of staying home and continuing school than going off. 

Know in your heart, not just your head (really difficult!!) how precious you are to Him and how proud He would be of you even if you couldn’t do anything for yourself. “For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them” (Ephesians 2:10). This has become one of my favorite verses, but more on that later. 

Congratulations to UGA’s Class of 2020! I hope Athens makes you feel right at home. The Classic City is one of the best in the world :-)

Thanks for reading and go Dawgs! 

Mal

Decision Day 2016: part one

Hi there, 

Since I was ten years old and first stepped foot on the University of Georgia campus, I knew that was the school I wanted to attend. The excitement and passion of attending UGA did not come from my mom, a UGA alum, or even my other UGA alum family members. It came from the pure fact of how UGA made me feel: right at home. Through the ups and downs of middle school and high school I have studied diligently in order to attend UGA. 

Along the way there have been many encouragers, to whom I am very thankful, as well as many naysayers; especially since I am homeschooled. Some times, I let their negative comments effect me; other times I use those negative comments as fuel to push myself. However, every time I have a negative comment about my future (or lack there of) at UGA, it pushes me into the comfort of Jesus' presence. 

Our lives are but a mist vanishing by the blowing of the wind in God's time. Really, for me to be worrying about which college I will attend is quite micro compared to spending eternal life with Him. But fortunately, He cares about the "little" life decisions that keep me up at night. When I submitted my application to UGA, I was fretful. Constantly worrying about if they would accept me; even crying about if they did not. Where would I go? My degree is only at one other college in Georgia.Yikes! But alas, my mom told me I had to give it up. I had to give up my future to God; I had to give Him control and trust Him. Through a night of tears, and prayer I gave up the fear of: being rejected, my life not going any where, not being successful, and being looked down upon for not being accepted, to Him. I realized after giving it up that He accepts and loves me just the way I am, warts and all; my family and friends accept and love me the way I am. Even if they did not, like Dr. Suess says, "those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter"; they love me because I am me, not because of what I do or where I go to school.

God gives us desires in our hearts for His own reasons. Some of our own desires (obviously do not stem from Him) are never fulfilled. But He says in Psalm 37:4, "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart" — does this mean do a Bible study every night for us to get what we want? No. It means, spend time with Him, learn what He desires and His desires will become our desires. Because when we dream with God, nothing is impossible. I say all this to say: if I'm not accepted to the University of Georgia, I know that I am not a failure, He still has a plan to "prosper" me (Jer. 29:11). Just because God has placed a desire in my heart, does not mean He is going to fulfill it in my timing. If He does think now is the time, I will be ecstatic. If He decides that is not where He wants me right now, I will be joyful for the opportunity to have tried. I would rather have the rejection of trying with the talents God has given me than the regret of not trying at all. 

Thanks for stopping by,

Mal